Not What Brothers Do
by Epsarrow
Summary: In a bout of blind anger, Lionblaze strikes out at Jayfeather. Jayfeather struggles to find a way to forgive him, especially since Lionblaze has betrayed his trust. One-shot, with a chapter from Jayfeather's POV, and the second from Lionblaze's POV.


**Author's Note:** Takes place after _The Last Hope_ , but not specifically important for the plot. A simple one-shot told from two perspectives. This chapter is from Jayfeather's perspective.

 **Not What Brothers Do**

* * *

Lionblaze's frustration flashed against me all the way from across the camp, and I could hear his claws working furiously in the grass. My ears flicked towards him with interest as I dropped my herb bundle, trying to wonder what was riling my brother's fur this time. I knew he was struggling more than ever with his loss of powers. He had been injured in a recent battle with ShadowClan, and unused to pain and the fear of actually getting hurt or possibly dying, he wasn't sure he could be as strong a warrior for the clan. I could tell he and Cinderheart were frustrated. I could sense her sadness from the other end of the camp, and I sighed.

My brother was more of a pawful than ever before. Sometimes I wish he'd get his powers back just so he'd stop moping around the camp all day like a neglected kit. Although I was tempted just to let him deal with it on his own, my paws steered me right over to him, and I could feel him seething with anger underneath all that golden fluff I saw only in my dreams.

"What?" he growled testily. My ears flicked back, surprised he was acting so... so much like me.

"What happened now?" I responded, just as sharp, ears angled towards Cinderheart's scent. He was glaring at me, and then over my shoulder, before I felt his angry gaze turn away to return to the ground.

"Nothing," he snapped.

"Don't lie."

"It's none of your business."

"You're my bother. Of course it's my business!"

"You can't fix everything!"

"And you can't save everyone. You're a warrior like everyone else."

"I'm weak and useless. I'm scared of battle!" He hissed quietly.

Oh. That was it. He still thought he was useless to the clan just because he could get hurt in battle. "Every cat is scared of battle. Even Cloudtail, even if he acts like an angry badger. I can feel it from his pelt," I growled in what was my most calm voice.

Lionblaze snorted. "That's different. They were always scared of battle and trained on how to deal with it. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to die in battle like a common cat." The disdain in his voice towards his fallen clan mates startled me. Was he really this upset? I should be more upset to have lost my ability to walk through dreams, but it had hardly bothered me. I could still sense my clan mates feelings, and that was helpful enough.

"Your clan mates didn't die in battle because they were weak or scared. They died because they were brave enough to keep fighting, no matter how scared they were or how much it hurt. You're better than this. Stop acting like a kit!" I hissed.

Firestar had died in battle. Dustpelt had died in battle. Sorreltail had died protecting her kits. So many great, brave cats had died in battle, and Lionblaze was only concerned with himself.

"Shut up!" he snarled. The surge of anger I felt was directed right at me, and I stepped back for a moment, startled. Something else was bothering him. I could feel it. But should I keep pressuring him? He stood up and began to stalk away, and I followed him.

"Don't ignore me, Lionblaze! I'm trying to help you -" I broke off. He had swung around, snarling.

"I said _shut up!"_ He spat. I felt a flicker of unease at the rush of anger, so potent it warned of violence, but I hadn't sensed it coming. I hadn't expected it. I felt safe and at ease with my brother - at least, I always had before.

A claw raked into my cheek, slicing open a deep cut, and the force of Lionblaze's paw smashing into the side of my head sent me crashing to the ground, heat burning across my muzzle. I was dazed for a split second as I crouched defensively, a rush of emotions sweeping through me. Fear, anger, resentment, confusion - and most of all, hurt. He had never struck me before. Not once. Not out of anger and rage. I could feel the eyes of many cats in the clearing on us - shock, confusion, disbelief. I heard nothing but the rushing in my ears as my blood dripped onto my paws, half expecting him to strike me again.

Lionblaze's anger remained for another second, suddenly dissipating to be replaced with horror. Guilt.

I was already backing away.

"I-I'm sorry!" Lionblaze stammered. As Bramblestar came bounding across the clearing, I turned and fled the camp, unwilling to stand in front of their judging eyes.

* * *

I slapped an herb bundle on the ground, nearly crushing the gently bound herbs as I did so. Indignation was like a fire in my chest, and as I harshly clawed together another pile of herbs into a premade travelling bundle for the upcoming Moonpool visit, I hardly noticed as some of them shredded under my claws. Leafpool was stacking piles of tansy and juniper leaves, but I could feel her worried eyes on me, and the concern beneath her fur. I ignored it.

My muzzle stung, but what stung worse was the pain and hurt that was so potent in my blood. It was one thing to be hurt by an enemy warrior. But another thing entirely to be hurt by a clan mate, and most importantly, a brother.

My eyes burned and I held my breath to avoid a choking sound, stopping for a second to wrap the thin strings of carefully crafted stems around the herb bundle. I accidentally bit through the stems, and the bundle fell apart, leaves and herbs rolling across the den. I stared down at them, unseeing as ever, but unwilling to roll them back together. I felt cold, frozen to the spot. The silence was deafening, and I breathed as quietly as I could, halting each breath to not attract Leafpool's attention.

But my mother was smart, and knew me far better than I would admit. She came up, and with a gentle paw, began put the herbs back together. When she was done, she stood back, her gentle gaze making me tense under my pelt. I could sense a lecture brewing.

"You know he didn't want to hurt you," she began.

 _Yes he did. He was angry and wanted to hurt me for making him angrier. It doesn't matter if he regrets it or not. He still meant it._ I thought, not wanting to talk. But I listened. At last, unfrozen, I reached forward to gently push the bundle with the others.

"He really is sorry. He feels badly."

 _Yes, he does. But that doesn't change what he did. That doesn't make it any better._

"You should talk to him... when you're ready."

 _At least you aren't telling me to go now._

Silence descended on the den once again. As she turned sadly away to continue to her tasks, I nodded once. I would have to talk to him. Eventually.

* * *

Lionblaze had been sitting outside the den for a long time, too scared to come in. I could sense nervousness coming off him in waves that nearly knocked me over. I waited, not bothering to see him, until I was certain he had sat there long enough that something had sunk into his skull. I padded out, muscles tense. I felt his guilt, and also felt a cold sense of satisfaction. He deserved to feel bad. Right?

"I don't know what came over me. I just got so angry. I didn't even think about it. I didn't mean to hurt you. Really," Lionblaze's words all came out in a rush, as if he had been holding them back for quite awhile. Most likely, he had been. I flicked an ear, but chose not to respond, if only to make him more flustered and treat _him_ how he had treated me. Like someone lesser.

"I didn't hurt you too much, did I?" His voice was desperate. My ears flicked.

A scent wreathed around me. So familiar, but so distant. I recognized it in the same instant I was confused by it. _Hollyleaf?_ I thought.

 _Brothers don't hit their brothers. And brothers don't play emotional games with their brothers either,_ her soft voice was chiding, and for a split second, I saw her black pelt crouching next to Lionblaze, watching me with a sympathetic, but also motherly scolding expression. I flinched. She was right. She vanished, and I returned to darkness, only to hear Lionblaze's constant rambling continue.

"That's not what brothers do..." I mumbled, echoing Hollyleaf's words. Lionblaze shut up for a second, so suddenly that his jaws closed with an audible snap. "Never do it again," I growled, raising my blind blue eyes to glare at him.

"I won't. I promise. It should never have happened once."

Satisfied with his answer, I turned to go back into my den. I stopped for a split second. "I'm your brother. You can trust me to talk to you when you need to talk and help you when you need it. You don't have to hide your feelings."

 _But can I trust you to not hurt me?_ Anger was no excuse.

"I know. You've always had my back before. And I'll have yours."

Relief. Instant relief. A whisper of thanks to Hollyleaf went through my mind. The relief of forgiveness was far better than the thirst for revenge. I padded into my den, ready to sleep the events of today from my mind.


End file.
